Sibling Rivalry

A few weeks back Zai was caught hitting his MeiMei. This is not new and time and again he will hit his MeiMei. We have always attributed him getting excited after playing. Until that day we told him to apologise but he was quite adamant. Chubby brought him to the naughty corner and talked to him.

Subsequently I heard from Chubby that during their “talk” the boy claim that he doesn’t like MeiMei. He feels that MeiMei has taken away Mummy from him. MeiMei always want  Mummy. That is the reason why he hit her. Upon hearing this, my heart aches.

The boy is into changing lyrics for a period of time. I remembered him changing the lyrics for a song to “MeiMei always call MiMi. Or MeiMei always want MiMi”. I should have picked up these little clues but I didn’t. I thought he was just trying to be “funny” and is trying out his lyrics changing “skills”.

I feel that I should have handled the time between them better. When Loi was young, I was feel that I didn’t spend enough time with her as Zai was at a stage where he requires lots of our attention. I attributed her finger sucking to the lack of security as we didn’t spend enough time with her. Now that she reach the toddler stage that requires lots of attention, I always give her my attention as a form of “repaying” the time we lost when she was younger and left the boy very much to Chubby. As a result, the boy felt that Mummy didn’t have time for him.

I’m actually quite lost as to how I should try to balance the time between. The best I can do is to make a conscious effort every weekday night to split my time equally among them. Like after spending an hour with the girl, I will spend the next hour to read or play with the boy. However, as the girl still need me to sleep with her, I still have to leave the boy with his dad or grandma. I hope such an arrangement will make him feel better and reduces his rivalry on MeiMei.

On the other hand, I feel that the boy still somehow love his sister. When his MaaMaa asked him if we can give his MeiMei away, he will always say no and will try to “protect” MeiMei. Like in this photo, he also automatically went to put his hand around MeiMei shoulder.

Brotherly Love
Brotherly Love

I hope I can reduce such rivalry as soon as possible. And they can soon enjoy each other company.

If you have any idea how I could better manage the situation, please share it with me by posting a comment. Thanks!

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2 thoughts on “Sibling Rivalry

  1. I think sibling rivalry is perfectly normal. But having hints from zai about changing lyrics with lots of meaning warrants attention. It’s simple. He needs you and is feeling deprived of your attention. Maybe spending time playing with both kids will help? And add in special time for zai. Only you and him doing an activity together, or bringing him out alone to MacDonald’s. Hope this will help him feel he’s still your babe.

  2. Thanks Christy. Yup, I’m trying to have one-to-one time with Zai whenever possible. But the girl always have a melt down when we leave home without her. So it pains my heart too. Nonetheless, I will still try.

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