After the episode of seeing Zai in seizure I felt more so then ever that life is so fragile. He was still quite okie a moment ago and suddenly he was having this fits with his eyes rolling up, lips and fingers turning blue. It really is not a scene that I want to remember.

I actually question myself as to why I brought my kids to this world. I mean is it really selfish of me? I wanted to have a kid so I gave birth to them. Not thinking whether I’m actually bringing suffering to them and to myself. Am I being selfish? No don’t worry. I won’t go off killing my kids now, I love them too much to do it. But i really wonder if I did wrong by having kids. Bringing them to all these sufferings. And what is the positive side of bringing them to this world? I really couldn’t think of one except for selfish reasons like bringing joy to myself and parents. What’s in it for them (the kids)?

Chubby says I shouldn’t think this way (*obviously right?). He says we all have to die someday. So it doesn’t mean we end our life now. I get what he is trying to say but it still doesn’t answer why I’m bringing the kids to this world. Do you have an answer for this? Or its all about the “Purpose Driven Life”?


2 thoughts on “Illness

  1. If I don’t bring them to the world they won’t have to go through the ups and downs? Actually I know what you are talking about, its just i was wondering if there is any other reason.

    Its like I never question my parents why they brought me to the world, but when I’m the parent, I’m no longer so sure about my kids. Can I provide the best within my limits to them?

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